LOCAL PIZZERIA SEEKS SECURITY

"I FELL ASLEEP AND HAD A NIGHT MARE WHERE I WAS IN MY ROOM AND WHEN I LOOKED IN THE HALL A SUPER SCARY YELLOW SHARK WAS RUSHING IN THE ROOM AND ATE ME"

“Security guards say that they try to kill me in 5:5:9”

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SAFTY BLUE PUFFER FISH CANCELLED FOR BEING TO SLIM

Management confirms the mascot was deemed 'unsettlingly thin' by focus groups. It has been placed in storage indefinitely.

ARKEYS FRIGHTS COMING SOON