TOY FACTORY NIGHT GUARD NEEDED

"Adenas Factory is looking for a brave individual to monitor our state-of-the-art toy manufacturing floor during the night shift."

• • 12 AM to 7 AM Shift
• • Monitor cameras and power
• • Maintain order among stock
• • $120.50 per week

Not responsible for injury or dismemberment.

NIGHT GUARD BURNS TOY FACTORY TO GROUND

Local authorities report that the Adenas Toy Factory has been completely destroyed in a massive fire. The night guard, whose name has not been released, was found at the scene holding a gasoline canister.

"It had to be done," the guard reportedly told police. "They were never just toys."